Thursday, September 6, 2007

Who Put Fancy Feast In My Red Sauce??

Exhibit A: The offending bottle of crap not fit for human consumption.

I am in possession of a strong set of guts. I grew up with Greek, Spanish, German, and in my teen years Vietnamese cuisine. Octopus, eel, mussels, deer, rabbit, kimchi, pickled anything, quail eggs, bitter greens, fried duck fat, raw fish, raw onion, dangerous amounts of garlic…I eat it all and love it. But this shit is too much. I present to you, the discerning eater, Del Grosso Meat Flavored Spaghetti Sauce. Do not, under any circumstances ever, buy this product unless you’re using it as part of some cruel prank on an unsuspecting roommate.

I made the mistake of picking up a few bottles of Del Grosso sauce for $1 a piece, thinking I was getting a good deal. I liked the fact that all the ingredients looked simple and straight forward, and they contained less sugar than the big commercial brands like Prego. The other flavors, Marinara and Three Cheese, weren’t bad although it should be noted that they weren’t great either. I just don’t understand how you could screw up something so simple, but trust, the Del Grosso’s violated that sauce in more ways than an Atlantic City hooker sees on a Friday night.

To put it simply, the sauce tasted like cat food, the wet kind, after it’s been sitting out for a few days in the sun. To piss me off even more, I had poured it over 2 lbs of gorgeous sautéed zucchini, thus ruining it. I even made an attempt to eat the finished product, because throwing out perfectly good food is just wrong when there are starving kids out there. I wouldn’t even feed this crap to starving kids. I would have been better off throwing some parmesan and olive oil on those zucchini and eating that with the pasta, and using the “meat sauce” as squirrel deterrent in my garden.

To DelGrosso Foods Inc: You owe me 2 lbs of zucchini you jerks.

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